Elephants & Gardening & More Covid (and a little stupid humour)

 This elephant was great to work on.

All ruler work, as you can see, except for a few bits of tusks & toes, a wrinkly nose, and a shaggy tail.

This was pieced by the same gal who did this Unicorn quilt.

It made me think of the crazy elephant jokes we heard on our honeymoon, from another honeymooning couple at Blue Mountain.

GARDENING

After crabbing about mending hubby's pants a few weeks ago, the Universe decided to even the score.

Uh huh.  These are MY pants.  Sigh.

I decided to get all girly with my repair. 🌻

Bloodroot, which is alway nice and early.  

A bit of a change from daffodils which I also love.

The big news for me today - the asparagus is up!!!  Tomorrow I'll make a pot of soup from the last frozen packet of the 2020 crop, then it will be time to start pulling out all the recipes for fresh cuttings.  Mmm mmm...

COVID-19 UPDATE

WORLDWIDE:  140 million cases, 3 million deaths, 832,800 new cases April 16/21

USA:   32.3 million cases, 580,000 deaths, 82,000 new cases yesterday

CANADA: 1,106,000 cases, 23,541 deaths, 9,346 new yesterday

ONTARIO: 413,000 cases, 7,698 deaths, 4,362 new yesterday.  Ontario has been reporting record high numbers this past week. 

HAMILTON:  15,146 cases, 344 deaths, 247 new yesterday - a new record high.

I've been stewing and steaming most of the day over the Ontario Government's handling of the pandemic this year.  Yesterday the Premier announced the 4 week stay-at-home order would be extended by an additional two weeks, to end on May 20th.  I'm all in favour of this - don't misunderstand me.  But he could have done so much more, and much much earlier.  With the current lockdown, big box stores were finally limited to essential goods only, so apparently Costco and Walmart have cordoned off the fluffy goods we don't really need.  

Hubby and I have gotten our first shots last week, which was such a relief.  But in all honesty, we are in a great position to stay at home and stay out of harm's way.  I feel so badly for essential workers who should have been prioritized for vaccines - the dental hygienist, the grocery store cashier, the day care worker, the assisted living employee, ad nauseum...  And as far as essential goods goes, if we don't have vaccines for the Amazon employees, should Amazon really be open?  Putting their staff and the shipping company employees at risk so we can order a kite, or a set of magic markers?

If I were Doug Ford I would be in a coma by now from lack of sleep.  I truly feel sorry for him having the pandemic drop in his lap, but he has an excellent crew of scientists and medical experts who have advised him and warned him for months about where we were headed.  Because he did not heed their advice we have indeed landed where we don't want to be.

OK - off my soapbox.

STUPID HUMOUR FROM OUR HONEYMOON

Q: How do you get an elephant into a VW?
A: Open the car door, put the elephant inside, close the door.

Q: How do you put an elephant into a fridge?
A: Open the VW door, take the elephant out, close the VW door, open the fridge, put the elephant inside, close the fridge.

Q: How do you get 4 elephants into a Volkswagen?
A: 2 in the front and 2 in the back

Q: How do you know if there are 4 elephants in your fridge?
A: There's a VW parked outside your house.

Catching Up, again

 I seem to have put my blog posting on the same schedule as my house cleaning...pretty darned infrequently! My new system for cleaning is to keep an eye on a couple of the pictures hanging on the wall - if I notice gooey, stringy cobwebs hanging off them I make myself vacuum some time in the following week.  

I'm just going to give you some pics of a few quilts that I've completed for customers over the last couple of months, ok?  OK.

This quilt came with a special request to add a couple of hearts in the quilting.

This was so stinkin' cute.

This is a special quilt for some Florida people.

I love these Quick Curve Ruler quilts!

Another quilt made from embroidered blocks.  This is #3 for this gal.

Scrappy - my all-time favorite quilts.

Like many people these days, I've had it up to the wazoo with politicians.  I was SO ticked off with one local provincial representative that I actually wrote a letter to the editor.  They edited out some of it, but I think they should have kept the comment that Oosterhoff is part of the governing provincial party that has mandated the regulations currently in place.  WTF???

I have a new t-shirt to get me through the rest of the year.  This arrived in time for me to cry in my wine over the cancellation of the annual Tobermory retreat with the Beach Girls.  This cancellation might explain some of my fit over Oosterhoff.  He gets to play with his friends, but I don't???  WTF???

Then I soothed the savage beast with copy-cat Starbucks Pumpkin Scones.

This was my most interesting volunteer in the garden this summer.  It's a kale plant in the same spot where I had one two years ago.  It's been feeding us for weeks (a fact that DH is not particularly impressed with, seeing as it is a green leafy vegetable).  These days if he makes any kind of negative remark over supper all he gets from me is an eye roll and "suck it up, buttercup".  Yeah.  Not winning any BEST WIFE, EVER awards.  Oh, covid... how many marriages are facing some less-than-stellar-days thanks to you?

On a personal quilting note, I stitched up and quilted a whack of Christmas panels.  Since this pic was taken I have cut them all apart and trimmed to size. These will be donated whenever I get all that binding finished.

The current GOOD news is that Biden/Harris won the US election.  I cannot wait to see Trump get his arse booted out of the White House.

COVID NUMBERS

Worldwide: 49.9 million cases and 1.2 million deaths.  Daily increase in cases 540,000.

USA:  9.9 million cases and 238,000 deaths.  The US hit a new daily high of over 130,000 cases yesterday.  Sad.

Canada:  261,400 cases and 10,493 deaths.  New cases yesterday 4,246.

Ontario:  84,153 cases and 3,233 deaths.  We hit a new daily high of 1,328 new cases yesterday.  Sad.

A Lone Star Beauty and Covid Update #582. OK, not really...

This beauty had been in-progress by the maker for quite a long time. The Lone Star block is perfect.  She pieced it using the pre-printed fusible interfacing product, which makes for a very exact block.  It gets a little bulky in some areas, but that's a small price to pay for great accuracy. 

 The diamond wedges were all quilted with c.c. (continuous curve), and the outer edge of the star, along with all borders, were stitched in the ditch.  I created some ghost blocks in the white background to break that space up into more manageable-sized areas.

There's a nice repetition of the diamonds and squares in the background quilting.  And I love the contrast between the curvy and straight motifs.

This is definitely my favorite shot of the back. 💕

Covid Update To June 27th

May 23- broke a crown on a back molar
May 30- emergency dental assessment.  Dental offices are still closed but will hopefully open next week.
June 2- I had my dental appt for crown repair.  How often do you hear people say they are glad to go to the dentist?  Ontario's State of Emergency is being extended to June 30th.  Bars and restaurants are staying closed. Vet clinics and pet groomers are open.  Sadly, beauty parlours are still closed so hair cutting at home is still a thing. In Haldimand-Norfolk 164 migrant workers are now testing positive, and one has died in Essex county.  The farm corporation is seeking asparagus pickers - bring a group of 5, pay will be $25/hr per person, 7 am - 4 pm.
June 10- In the past week - short term rentals are now allowed in Ontario, so cottages are good to go. Ontario is mostly moving to stage 2, allowing hairdressers to reopen and allowing groups of up to 10 people.  Now we can have small weddings and small funerals.  However that does NOT include Toronto region, Hamilton, Niagara, Windsor-Essex or Haldimand-Norfolk.  The mayors of both Haldimand and Norfolk protested by getting their hair cut outside where the media could get lots of photos. I cut my hair again - this is Edward Scissorhands episode 4.  The Canada-US border will continue to stay closed past the June 21 end date, but the official end date has not been announced.  The Canadian gov't WILL allow immediate family to reunite on the condition the travelers are healthy AND self quarantine for 14 days.
June 12- Ontario will start allowing visits at Long Term Care Homes, Retirement Homes, Residential Care Homes, etc. although there is a long list of conditions that must be met first.  The 30 day limit on prescription meds is ending, and the TTC will require all passengers to mask up.  People can start a social "bubble" of up to 10 friends/family but they can't overlap with other "bubbles".  Grocery stores are ending the pandemic pay bump of $2/hr.  What? We don't need these people anymore? They are no longer critical? Oh, don't me started.
...I'm getting tired of keeping track.
June 17- my poor tooth ended up with a root canal which has left a lovely bruise on my jaw.  Looks like DH slugged me, lol.
June 25- we bottled a batch of wine which should keep me quiet for a few weeks.  Since we were out in the plague ridden world already we took the plunge and got a take-out pizza.  This was our second "restaurant food" since the pandemic started.
June 26- EXCITEMENT!!! I had dinner with a friend!  I packed up my supper, a bottle of wine, dishes, and a lovely gift from the Universe ...well, actually from the tee-total neighbours.  They'd had a celebratory breakfast and gave me the leftover (almost-full) bottle.  After eating our respective dinners-at-a-distance on my friend's deck we enjoyed the champagne with strawberries & whipped cream for dessert.
June 27 - holy sh*t. The US is reporting over 45,000 NEW DAILY CASES of covid. Keep our border the hell shut.

So, about those "Bonus Wages"...

Last month I got into a bit of a disagreement with a couple of people on facebook over the Ontario minimum wage.  Now the grocery stores are eliminating the 'bonus wages' they've been giving to employees for the past few months, and I've got my knickers in a twist again.  The grocery stores have been racking up large increases in their profits because so many people are uncharacteristically feeding themselves at home.  The executives at the TOP of those food chains (no pun intended) are, and/or will, no doubt be getting large bonuses to reflect their (ahem) "superlative performance" during the crisis.  What the hell?  Those low level employees are still putting themselves on the front line every. single. day.  And the people behind the counter at Tim Hortons?  Same thing.  Every. Single. Day.  It was suggested that entry level jobs are not meant to pay a living wage.  Yeah, sorry, I don't get that.  In my opinion that means it's a VOLUNTEER position.  But that's not why people go to work every day...making someone else wealthy while I work cheap?  Student wages is a different thing.  They're part time by necessity (ie school) and are generally supporting cell phone bills, video games, and date nights with their favorite snuggle person.  So sure, they don't need a living wage - they're just learning how to show up on time and do what they're told.  But adults who go to work should be making enough money to pay their rent, for God's sake.  How rich is rich enough?  Why is it always people WITH money who want to stop other people from HAVING money?

On a more pleasant note, I made Strawberry Orange Banana jam last night.  Pandemic Preserving, ha ha ha.  Here is a link to the recipe.  It's identical to the recipe from the Bernardin Home Canning cookbook I have, so yes, it's safe.

Geisha Quilt and My Thoughts On Politics-and-Religion

This lovely geisha quilt was made using a center panel and co-ordinating fabrics.

As per my normal process, this got s.i.d. along the border, around the outside of the kimono shape, and outlining of the geishas.  In the kimono I used an Asian-style design with flowers and flowing lines.  The geishas have some quilting along the design lines - enough to keep them hanging nice and flat once this goes on the maker's wall.

The burgundy area was quilted with hanging diamonds, and there's a floral border design in the outer border.

Ok, here we go with my thoughts on Politics-and-Religion

It's been all over the news about the anti-abortion laws that are being passed in the U.S., with the end goal being to challenge and overturn Roe v Wade.  If Donald Trump alone wasn't enough reason for me to stay the hell out of the U.S. (although he actually IS enough reason) there are now several states that reaffirm my decision to stay here in Canada.  These laws are horrifying to me for the same reason radicalism of ANY sort frightens me.  At my age it's obviously NOT because I worry about my own circumstances.

However, just outside of my little town, there's a Provincial MPP who is 21 years old (yes - twenty-one) who attended the Pro-Life rally that was happening outside the Legislature.  He wasn't alone - there were two other MPP's there on stage with him.  If you don't feel like following the above link, here's a quote from him:  we pledge to fight to make abortion unthinkable in our lifetime

This boy still lives at home with his parents - he has zero life experience. He was home-schooled, which may be good for his book learning but it's a pretty insular upbringing. He's taking his religious morality and politicizing it - he needs to take a step back and do what he was elected to do, which is to represent the needs of the constituents in his riding.  He has no business dictating what may or may not happen between a woman's legs - that is between her, her partner, and HER God - not his.

Just because I think he's a stupid asshat I'll share this with you too (in case you missed it) ... a few days before that rally, his constituency staff called the cops on 15 senior citizens who were having a "read-in" in his office to protest library cuts. Dangerous, scary grey-hairers.  With books. Oooooh... 😱  Geez. Talk about having some fucked up people running the country.

We maintain a separation of Church and State here in Canada, and it should stay that way.  Grow up Sam.

Animal Quilts (and reflections on humiliation) & One of My Own

I've seen some of the cutest animals this fall...

It's almost enough to make me want to be a kid again.  But... um, no.  Maybe not. 
Highlights of my childhood involve lots of teasing over my name (surname of Marshall was always being translated into either "martian" or "marshmallow").  Also being called "four-eyes" because of the glasses.  And being the shortest kid in class meant I always had to be at the head of the line.  Being the worst at sports meant I was always the last one chosen for any sports team.  I remember school being let out early the day Kennedy was shot, and some asshole bully punched me in the stomach while I was walking home.  Then there was the bully-brat down the street who would not let me pass.  For God's sake.  I was in KINDERGARTEN.  I went home crying and mom had to walk me to school.  So...many memories of humiliation.  I'm happy to leave them behind me. 
In adulthood I'm often referred to as a snob (because at heart I am actually quite shy).  And I've had people get sooo pissed off at me and throw taunts of being "a hotshot" which was, in truth, the funniest one.  That came from a woman who got mad at me because SHE didn't know how to use word processing software (she should have - that was part of the skill-set required for the job).  After weeks of her interrupting my work by asking me how to do this, and how to do that, I finally called her on her poor knowledge and suggested she should spend some time learning this stuff HERSELF.  People can be lazy and stupid and mean sometimes.  I try to ignore it now, but sometimes I... just... can't. 😬  Several years ago I told an asshole in the grocery store to shut up because he was mad about the little old lady who was taking too long with the cashier.  She needed assistance, and needed her groceries to be double bagged because she had to take the bus home. All I could think about was my mom, and how she was probably in exactly the same boat on many occasions.  So, I told dickhead to shut up.
Wow.  Now I've put myself in a crabby mood with all these bad memories!

Anyhow. I managed to finish the Apple Core top.  All of this was cut using JAWS. Over the holidays this baby should get quilted.  I seem to have a growing pile of tops that need to be finished.

A Few Great Edge-to-Edge Quilts, A Little Rant, and the Zucchini Report

When I post photos on my blog and discuss the quilts, the focus is usually on custom quilted work.  In reality, most of my work is edge-to-edge quilting.  It's way faster, and way less expensive.  Considering that most of what we make, as quilters, is utilitarian quilts that will be loved, used, puked on by the kids and the dog, and thrown in the washing machine?... e-2-e is the way to go.

This was a block of the month that we did at the Binbrook guild last year.  My blocks are all done but the top's not yet assembled.  Ruth always gets her stuff finished.  I love the pink!  I love sampler quilts!

This is a really cool quilt that the maker completed by cutting the curvey bits with a template.  I looove curved piecing.

Now who doesn't love turquoise in the summer?  And look how beautifully it pairs with scrappy browns.

My little rant is with Microsoft.  I have used PAINT for years.  It's a free program (so I should stop my bitching right there)  that I use to shrink photos and add all the fancy circles and arrows and text that you see on my pics.  It appears that now I will have to get it from the Microsoft Store and download it.  Still free, mind you, but now a P.I.T.A. (pain-in-the-ass).  Why can't these companies just leave me alone with my OLD STUFF.  I'm happy with my OLD STUFF.  I know how to use my OLD STUFF.

Anyhow...
ZUCCHINI REPORT

Picked this week:  12
Picked YTD:       116
Gave away this week:  6

What did I do with it this week?  I made four more zucchini loaves, two of which I'll give away today when we go the the BBQ/Pool Party.  I made four loaves last week too - gave away one and split the others in half for the freezer.  I also broke down and cooked a zucchini for my supper!  First I sauteed some onions, then added sliced zucchini and gently cooked until slightly soft.  Completed by adding a couple of diced tomatoes and letting them reduce a bit.  Yum.  Sadly, the plants are starting to look a little ravaged.  A few were torn out over the past two months because of bug infestations but that still (as you've noticed) left me with PLENTY.  I expect that the next two weeks will see their demise.

The African Quilt, Today's Pet Peeve, and First Zucchini Report of 2017

OMG, this African Quilt is quite a work of art.

 Where to start, where to start?  Well, GOOGLE is where we all start today, I think.  Because the little corner of my brain where "African designs & motifs" is supposed to reside is apparently empty.

Lots and lots of s.i.d.

After s.i.d. then it's time to add in some African background quilting.

I have a great deal of admiration for quilters who are so adept at applique.  It also appears that she has an embroidery machine that (wait for it...) she knows how to use.

TODAY'S PET PEEVE

Passive-aggressive people.  link here
Seriously.  If you're going to be mad at me because I (apparently) hurt your feelings, maybe you could do me the courtesy of TELLING ME WHAT I DID/SAID.  You can even YELL at me, if that's the only way you can get it out.  Because quite likely, what you are hurt/angry/insulted/shocked about is a MISUNDERSTANDING.  Which, obviously, I cannot clear up IF YOU DON'T TALK TO ME.  If it's not a misunderstanding, if I actually DID something that hurt your feelings, I would like to apologize and not do it again.  Because in spite of how you are thinking right now - I do NOT want to hurt you.  You're one of my 'peeps' and I love you.
How do you think it makes ME feel, when you are supposed to be someone who LOVES ME, and you are walking around acting like I hurt your feelings on purpose?  C'mon.  You've known me for a zillion years and you should know that I don't go around intentionally hurting people's feelings.  If you REALLY think that's what I do, you should not be in my life because apparently you do not think I'm a very nice person.
You probably noticed a little bit of personal hurt feelings and anger here but there ya go... that is Today's Pet Peeve.  I apologize to any of you reading this if it gave you stress, but I had to get it out.  Have a martini, you'll feel better.  😁

ZUCCHINI REPORT
Ooh, this first report covers three weeks.  I meant to take a few with me yesterday when I dropped off boxes to the Quilts of Valour rep in Hamilton.  But I'm gettin' old, and I forgot.  Stupid.

Picked so far:  23
Tossed in the compost:  0
Given away to customers:  3

Thankfully, these are all little ones.  The teeny ones get chopped up into salads, where it's pretty difficult to identify them.  There are six or seven plants in the garden in two separate clumps.  I seem to be getting about three per day in the 5" size.

Is Your Longarm Quilter A Drinker? Maybe This Is Why...

If you are a longarm quilter yourself, you'll look at these photos and (probably) laugh.  Or at least snort a little.  If you have ever heard me refer to someone as "a sweet little old lady", this is the kind of customer I'm referring to.  And there is no need to "tsk tsk" me - this particular woman is in her 80's and does not have a computer, so she'll never see this.  Considering her failing vision I'm happy that she is still quilting at all.  But getting her tops quilted is still a bit of a challenge for me.

#1 is a very common problem.  Ruffly borders.  Easy to accomplish by taking a big hunk of fabric and just keep sewing until the pieced top runs out, then whack off the remaining length.  Sigh.  NO.  Measure the top through the middle and cut that border to that length (and remember that you have TWO of them that ARE supposed to be the same, one on each side).  Then quarter mark the top and border, match them up, and pin.  Then do the same for the other border.

#2 - the frequency of this is not as common.  Leave as many threads as possible sticking out the top side of the seams.  Aaargh.  Honest - you can clip these off yourself!  You won't wear out your scissors!  If I left these the way the quiltmaker did, this quilt would look pretty awful.  So I remove them while practicing DH's Garage Language.  Yeah - use your imagination.

#3 can be dangerous for your quilt.  Longarm machines have a presser foot that hops.  Your quilter is often NOT watching the foot.  She's probably watching the pattern that she is quilting from because she's following the design using a laser light. When the foot 'hops' into that hole in your seams, the machine is going to stitch itself right into your quilt.  The poor quilter may have to cut your quilt to extricate the machine - that is not a comforting thought.

This happened to be in a "good" spot.  I was able to flip the border up and stitch the seam closed with the longarm, but that is a rare bit of serendipity.  Yes, it was stitched right through the batting and backing, but the thread was a perfect match for the backing and that little seam does not show.

#4 on this particular quilt, as if there wasn't already enough going on, the backing was not long enough.  I had to cut some length off the end, then piece it, and attach it to the perpendicular end.  I changed it from a measurement of 40 x 70 to 45 x 60.  Or something like that.  My usual system is that customers bring their quilt here.  I measure everything, check the batting & backing sizes, price out the work with an estimate, and we're good to go.  For this "sweet little old lady" I pick up and deliver when I have a dinner date with my friends in her neck of the woods.  She's either throwing a bag of work at me and trying to get rid of me because she's going to be late for her 4:30 dining room booking, OR she's trying to pawn off a bunch more quilting stuff that she found in her spare room/storage locker/under the kitchen sink.  In any event, I don't check sizes of anything, and that occasionally bites me in the arse.

After finishing THREE of her quilts on Wednesday, I drank myself out of house and home that night.  It was a happy accident that I went to a quilting event the next evening, AT A WINERY.  HAH!  SCORE!

Christmas Trees Anyone??? and the Border Challenge

I wish I could be as prepared as some of my customers.

I will still be trying to choose Christmas gifts on December 22nd.  And cursing myself.
This is beautifully pieced and will make a great gift for someone.

This backing is a lovely cozy green flannel.

These stupid tomatoes are no longer allowed in the house.  There are so many fruit flies zipping around the kitchen that I have to keep a SECOND coaster for my wine and put it on the top of the glass to keep the bugs out.  I've now become very adept at picking up the glass and gently sandwiching the top coaster between two fingers and sliding it off while I take a slug dainty sip.  So far I've done 15 jars of salsa and 37 (?) quarts of diced tomatoes.  Many many people think I'm a bit insane to can my own tomatoes.  If they ever googled the 'allowable contaminants in canned goods' they might change their minds.

THE BORDER CHALLENGE and a bit of whining
Back in June I showed you some pics of this quilt, which I made for two different challenges at two different guilds.  At the first guild (the Paint Chip challenge) I won zippo. Nothin.  There were, I think, at LEAST 15 entries.  The winners did great jobs on their projects and their wins were well deserved.

At the second guild (the Border Challenge) I won first prize - a charm pack of red & whites that I can use for the same two guilds' current challenges to celebrate Canada's 150th birthday next year.  Yay me!

Now for the whining part...
At the second guild, which is the same size as the first guild, there were FIVE entries.  Compared to at least FIFTEEN entries at the first guild.  With only five entries there was obviously not a lot to choose from when the ladies voted.
When I walked into the 'challenge room' to look at the entries and fill out my ballot, there was a conversation in progress, in front of MY quilt, that went something like this (I have paraphrased because I was trying to NOT eavesdrop, but they were kinda loud):
Lady A:  "Well, the quilting is beautiful but did she quilt it herself, or did she pay a longarm quilter?"
Lady B: "She might have her own longarm."
Lady A:  "If she paid a professional then she didn't do the quilting and I would vote for a different quilt."
Lady B: "Even if it she did the quilting herself, that still makes it done by a professional."

I have to tell you, firstly - for courtesy's sake I think the conversation should have stopped when the ladies saw me enter the room, because they know I am a professional longarm quilter, and I think the three of us were the only ones in the room at the time.  Secondly, this kind of chatter makes me wonder why I go to guild meetings.  It's hurtful and makes me feel like ... like ... dirty somehow.
Am I not supposed to participate?  There were FIVE damned entries!  Obviously there are a lot of guild members who could not be bothered to appreciate the organizers of the Challenge enough to play along.  How do you think they felt after doing all the hard work of putting instructions together every month?

And lastly:  the reason the quilting is beautiful?  Because I WORKED HARD to make it beautiful.

Rant over.